Sometime's repeating yourself isn't enough.


Sometime's you just have to stay away in order to be heard.


I am really craving pumpkin spice latte from starbuck's ;D


I spent the weekend at my parent's house. It was an enjoyable experience. I got to see my grandmother and my uncle whom I haven't seen in a couple of month's. My grandmother seemed really happy to see my daughter. My mother tell's me that her health is deteriorating and I keep kicking myself because I don't visit her more often. It's just tough with a husband who work's so often and not the typical working hour's, plus a toddler.


We also went into the pool, I hope to one day have a house of my own with a pool it's so relaxing. Whenever I go to visit my parent's it's like another world because it's so different from brooklyn. I really miss them when i'm not visiting. I hope to eventually move up there sometime in my lifetime.


We went out to dinner on labor day. It felt good to get out and have some american cuisine er...actually I had spanish but it was an american diner so i'm not too sure how to describe it. It was just GOOD. I would go there again. I ordered a cappuccino which was so freakin huge and we all shared a chocolate mousse cake yummmm.


Overall my labor day weekend was good.



So recently I got myself a new external harddrive with 500GB. I got tired of using the husband's external so I ordered one online. Now I can store all the drama's I have that I usually forget to burn after I watch them. I really need to get out of that habit though.....

Once again the tables get turned on me. Suddenly I am the one at fault.
When is he going to grow the hell up? I'm tired of this game. He need's to go find someone else's life to screw up.

Why is everything so complicated for him? Why can't he just stop thinking of what he want's and just do what other people want for a change.

My day was going to end on a high note but then this happen's. Sometime's I wonder if I am destined to argue every day of my life.

All that glitters is not gold and beware of the skeleton in the closet.

Today I woke up tired as hell. I never feel rested enough after sleeping. Even on day's when I actually sleep early I sill feel as if I partied too hard and knocked back too much liquor. Well that's the joy of motherhood.

I had to oblige the husband today and wake up early so we could got to the bank to cash my check. Upon my waking up I realized that I didn't have anything "nice" to wear. Most of my clothes are usually stained as soon as I wear it.

So sighing I go through my whole laundry bag looking for a clean shirt when all I find is "house wear" which is basically stuff I would only wear around my house. I needed something that screamed SOPHISTICATION.

I got a little pissed and decided to just to go out in a t-shirt. A shirt that my husband could lend me because all of my shirt's had stains on them no matter how many time's I cleaned them.

He pulled out some stuff but they were too guyish. So I told him I wasn't going. after a couple of minute's he searched through my daughter's bag and saw some of my "outer wear".


I still can't figure out how half of my clothes were in my daughter's laundry bag but whatever. So we went and I cashed my check and got my debit card killing two bird's with one stone.

After that we went to payless to buy some sneaker's for my daughter. The husband ended up buying new shoe's for work.


We left and went to 86th st for some Thai food. I was craving something spicy and I gotta tell ya it's really really good! If you live around that area the 86th st by 5th ave you should really go. It's called Thai Food and it's not that hard to miss, very noticeable. They also serve authentic chinese food. I'm planning on trying the dim sum sometime soon.


Lately i've been reminiscing about the past and I really miss all the good times. I kept thinking about the late night dinner's the husband and I used to have. How we would go to Mc Donald's or 8th ave for some noodles at like 2am. Those were fun times even though we argued alot back then. Being pregnant and craving take out all the time was pretty funny especially since we would be up eating when everyone was sleeping. *Sigh* where does the time go? It just suck's that there was so many secret's being withheld from me back then. Even now I still can't believe what he did during my pregnancy. Oh well, i'll never understand his mind and he will never fully admit to being wrong.


Been lvling my human rogue on WoW. Got her to lvl 15. Eh, not too bad considering I can't play it too often. But I try when I have free time.


Summer is almost over and I can't wait for winter. I know i'm gonna regret saying this because when it gets cold i'm gonna be whining like a baby tee hee.


Well i'm off gotta get prepared for my workout. I slacked off yesterday but I gotta do it tonight since I overindulged with lunch. I couldn't help it the Thai food was sooo yummy!

Certain bad luck is actually "a blessing in disguise."

So, lately i've been playing Jade Empire on my xbox. I never finished it only got up to the third chapter which i'm up to right now. I had to order it online since they didn't have it in store. I originally had it when it first came out a few yr's back but when I moved upstate I somehow lost the cd. So now after ordering it from amazon.com I finally can finish it. I forgot how much fun this game was [battle wise]. I can't remember why I never finished it. I assume it was because at the time I was looking for a job and my dad was annoyed with me letting my gaming distract me from work. Anyway I now have it and can play it as much as I want [the luxury of living away from my parent's.]



My younger brother is staying with me for a few day's. He's been here since sunday and has been consumed with all thing's GAME. He's either playing my gamecube, or on my computer playing maplestory, my ps2 or on the xbox. He's like in kid heaven where all he does is play games. I remember when I was like that, it was so much fun. I miss playing games and not caring about anything else. Just sitting in front of a screen with a controller in my hand's. The soundtrack of the game playing in the background and being in charge of my character's fate. Time does fly and now I don't have the time or effort really to play as much. I'm still a gamer at heart though. I'll enjoy a game or two once in awhile. Other than that i'm focused on

• 1. Trying to finish my degree.
  
• 2.Dealing with a loser *cough* you know who you are.
  
• 3.Getting away.....

I believe that we all have a certain purpose in life whether you be poor or rich. Whether you work or not there is a reason for it. I'm not some crazy religious person but sometime's coincidences seem to coincidentally? Sometime's I feel we were supposed to meet that person or have that cetain tragedy in our life to remind us of what we have forgotten. Life is short and we all take thing's for granted. God doesn't intervene ALL the time, but that doesn't mean he doesn't at all. When you least expect it he can remind you of thing's you don't think of and it put's you back on to the path he has in store for you. I know my being in the hospital has been a reminder to eat healthier and to take care of my body. I'm not in charge of just myself anymore. I have a daughter who need's my direction, my guidance and if I don't take care of myself who will take care of her? I just hope that I can be there for her in a positive manner.

The joy's of being a mother and a sister :P

My daughter took her first step's today <(^^)v !

Our children change us... whether they live or not.
-Lois McMaster Bujold

So, i'm sitting here taking break while the husband goes out to get some brand new sheet's for the guest bed. Spent an hour so far cleaning up the house. Yup company is coming over (i.e the parent's). So I have to have this apartment squeaky clean. It's so gray outside i'm waiting for a downpour any minute but still nothing. It's one of those day's where it feels so gloomy and all you want to do is sleep. I don't know if it's just me but on day's like this I feel so lazy and just want to sit around in bed with a nice thick book. There's alway's next time since it's supposedly going to rain again tomorrow. I have to say it is really nice to take a break and i'm glad that the husband went out. Sometime's we need this space because I know i'm moody alot but when you add in his moodiness well it's not a nice picture. So cleaning has made him just as moody as me and i'm tired of just snapping at each other. I really have no patience. Ask anyone.

Earlier this morning my daughter looked as if she might be walking on her own sometime soon. For the first time she let go of my leg's to take a few step's but then she fell. After that she went over to the toy my parent's bought her (it's a toy that fold's into a walker) which she has been to afraid to use and actually started walking with it. I couldn't believe it and she started to laugh. Then she was going way to fast which led to her almost falling but I was so proud of her. I have been waiting for this day since she was about seven month's. Now it's just waiting for that day where she'll continue to take those step's by herself. Watching her gradually overcome her obstacle's just remind's me that each day bring's her closer and closer to adulthood.

So, i'm sitting here trying to figure out why i'm so quick to anger when it come's to my husband. Every time I ask him to do something and if he does it wrong I snap at him. I've tried many time's to tell him nicely that it was done wrong but whenever he speaks something inside me just coil's up in anger. Many time's when we argue he alway's find's some excuse to make it seem as if it wasn't his fault. For example today while he was "watching" my daughter and my little brother something went wrong. I was sitting in the same room watching television when all of a sudden my daughter start's crying. Looking over at them I notice that my husband is holding my daughter over her birthday present which was this toy that folds up to become like a walker and also converts to a little car type. So my daughter was sitting on it with my husband behind her and the only thing I can think of to make her cry was that the toy was moved forward and the wheel went over her toe. Now my younger brother was supposedly there but when I looked up I didn't even see him. So I asked my husband what happened and he said "I don't know". That's the typical answer I get whenever we are home and something happen's to my daughter while he is "watching her". Now I understand thing's happen. Accident's happen. After he said I don't know I asked him again what happened and this time he say's that it was my little brother that pushed the toy forward. Now in my mind my little brother must be a really fast silent runner because I didn't see or hear him run away. I asked him again what happened and again he said "I don't know". So we got into a little argument with me just saying "just admit you weren't watching them" but of course he's not going to admit he was wrong and blame it on someone else. Our whole relationship and the problem's we had are all blamed on "something or someone else". I've had time's when watching my daughter that thing's have gone wrong and I have admitted it was my fault. I've even called him at work to tell him if something happen's and I say it was my fault. So maybe you can understand why I don't can't fathom why he just can't admit to wrong doing.



I know this is supposed to be a joyous day with visiting my family and celebrating my daughter's birthday but seriously why can't he just admit he wasn't watching the kid's, that he was wrong for once in his life. I've never met someone that i've had to really force a confession out of. I really don't like looking like the bad guy. My mom looked at me like I was crazy getting pissed off but she doesn't deal with him on a daily basis like I do. She doesn't see the different side to his personality. He's all nice and gracious to my family but he doesn't show the selfish side that he show's to me in private. That is why i've stopped telling my mom how annoyed and angry I get with him. She just doesn't understand. All she think's is that I am the one overreacting but that is really not true. I just really wish that someone besides myself could see the real person he is and finally say to me "I understand now why you are the way you are." instead of looking at me like I have the issue's. I have issue's with him yes and they are very valid considering our past. I just don't like him acting fake and letting my parent's assume that he is doing nothing wrong. Everyday I hear "you have to keep pushing him to get a new job" i'm already doing that and arguing with him about it. My dad say's that all the time in front of him and he doesn't say anything like "oh yeah, she does remind me almost every single day. It's my fault for not focusing." As alway's I look like i'm not doing anything and just letting him forget his priority. Again i've stopped telling my mom how we argue about him finding new work because she'll just say "you need to stop getting so angry."



I just can't take the bullshit anymore. I'm so tired of being singled out when it's him that doesn't do shit but work at his "I don't want to work there anymore" job. Why the hell does he complain to me all the time about his current job when he's doing nothing about it???!!!



UGH!

The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own
reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the
mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is
enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day.
Never lose a holy curiosity.

-Albert Einstein

Being sick suck's it really, really does. I've been sick before but never the way I was from last thursday till sunday. I alway's counted myself lucky because for the past year and a half I haven't gotten seriously ill. I didn't really count the time's when I had my stomach episodes because it would go away after a couple of hour's. But this time it was different. It started with the usual heartburn with it's burning path from my throat down to my stomach, but after awhile it began to get worse and soon I had pain radiating through my back. My breathing became shallow and I felt as if I was going to pass out. Moving caused even more pain. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat and I couldn't even hold my daughter.



My husband wanted me to go to the hospital right away but I figured I could wait it out like all the other time's. In my mind I felt I could overcome the pain like all the other time's. Since it was thursday my husband had to go to work. He asked me one more time if I wanted to go before he left but again I said no. I figured in time the pain would lessen and having him take off for work would be useless. So he left and I went to taking care of my daughter. At 3pm I fed her and then put her to bed. I went to my usual spot sitting down on the edge of my bed and put the t.v on hoping it would distract me from my pain. An hour later the pain got worse and I went into the fetal position thinking I was gonna die. I knew then that this was not a regular attack. Taking my cell I called my husband and left him a message to take me to the hospital.



Upon reaching the hospital I filled out the usual form's and waited for about an hour. After telling a nurse my symptom's I was brought to the emergency room to wait to be seen. This was my first time actually being in an emergency room and it was definitely nothing like Grey's Anatomy. It's chaos back there. There's bed's filled with sick people everywhere, doctor's and nurses hurrying about checking on patients, machine's in every corner. There really was no room to walk. After waiting on and off and getting my IV set in I was sent to get a sonogram and have my blood tested. At the end of 7hrs in the ER I was told to have Chronic cholecystitis i.e gallbladder disease. It's a condition in which "gallstones are formed when bile contains too much cholesterol. The excess cholesterol forms crystals from which gallstones are made." There is no way to tell when I can have another attack. I was told it can be day's, week's even month's. I have the option of removing my gallbladder though which I intend to do.



The doctor told me they couldn't offer me that option because this was the first time I came to the ER with this problem.....fuck that! This pain has been going on for almost a year it just wasn't this bad until now. I intend to get the surgery and i'm not going to that ER again. I'm not going to wait another 6 to 7hrs just to be told I have the option to remove my gallbladder. So i'm going straight to a doctor's office to check out where I can go to get the surgery. This illness isn't a joke it can cause cancer and being a mother my life is no joke. I have a duty to my child and I intend to stick to that and be alive for a long,long time.



I really have to say that I think god has done this to me for a reason. More of a wake up call because i've been losing faith in alot of area's of my life. I've been let down so much in the past 2 and a half yr's and I really want to believe that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. I prayed to god while I was in pain and I believe he heard me and has given me another chance to right some wrongs in my life. He's also been merciful and took off 8lb's from my body. I've been struggling with my weight since having my daughter and I know now that with prayer I can get through this.



With prayer I can get through anything....

I find it funny that you think you make me feel good.

Watched the new's this afternoon and heard that in Beijing some food seller's were putting cardboard inside meat bun's. The meat inside wasn't even "meat meat" it was basically the fat from the meat. I couldn't believe it, but when they showed what the hidden camera had recorded I felt this odd sensation in my stomach and shut the t.v off.
I like eating meat bun's. I don't want to be paranoid now but after watching that i'm not going to be able to stop myself.

Recently i've been watching alot of thing's on t.v that's turning me off to all kind's of meat.
All this disgusting information may just turn me into a vegetarian.

There is just way too much to do in the process of becoming a citizen of the United States. Even though I know that all of it is being done for the safety of the state's I can't help but feel overwhelmed. I am already physically and mentally tired. Dealing with immigration is just adding to the level of stress I already deal with. The only silver lining in all of this is that I was told since I already have a child with my husband the process should be a bit quicker. I really don't mind all the paperwork it's the interview I want to get over with. That is probably the most nervewracking situation any couple can be in considering all of the question's you will be asked are random and you can never be prepared for it.

Aaaah I keep stressing when there is no need to be >:O

I need to be inspired.

Not hiding how I feel today really felt good. Revealing my feeling's and letting him know the truth was something I needed to do. I wasn't going to speak to him unless he spoke first. So when he did I waited for him to say something about the situation. I assume that he didn't realize I was angry because he asked me why I don't talk anymore and I told him I was busy. So when topic of my gaming was brought up I finally decided to not be so nice.

him (10:47:07 PM): what do you do with your time?

me (10:47:17 PM): take care of my kid

him (10:47:30 PM): and play warcraft

me (10:47:49 PM): yeah so?

him (10:47:55 PM): ppsshh!

him (10:47:56 PM): you're mean

me (10:48:10 PM): because you alway's say i shouldnt play it

him (10:48:25 PM): cause you shouldn't

me (10:48:42 PM): no offense but telling me that isn't going to stop me

him (10:49:25 PM): whatever!

him (10:49:36 PM): you've fallen into the game already

him (10:49:41 PM): do whatever you want

me (10:50:03 PM): i will

I guess people really do change and friend's become something of a different sort. What is, is and i'm not going to fix something that is just going to continue in a negative pattern.
Sorry but i'm an adult, I don't tell you what to do with your life so kindly don't tell me what to do with mine.

On a positive note it look's as if my brother and I will be patching thing's up.

We'll see.

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct.
-Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)

You really shouldn't tell people what they should and should not be doing. I like to play game's. So what? Sometime's I feel as if he should look at himself. Before he judges me he should evaluate what he does with his own life. He is online just as much as I am. He play's game's too. So what if he's "taking a break" from game's. But then as soon as another new online game come's around he's going to be playing that one. I do not play ALL the time. How can I when I have a daughter to take care of. A daughter that need's constant attention WHEN she is awake which is almost all day. I only play when she take's her nap's which is few and far between. Guess what her nap time's is two time's a day. TWO. The rest of the day I am playing with her, and feeding her. I am a good mother. I do not neglect my child when she want's me. I do not leave her in a corner alone just so I can play game's. I am mother enough to wait till she sleep's so I can do the thing's I NEED to do. So do not tell me that I need to change because I will change if I feel it is doing harm. Not because you tell me too.

Mother's do need to take care of they're children but that does not mean they can't have time to do the activities that they enjoy.

I will continue to play WoW as long as I want.

This post is way overdue but due to "real life" priorities I have not had the time to type what I was feeling at that point in time. Unfortunately I still feel that way toward's him and I wish I didn't.

Priscilla the "Chef"

I decided to try cooking something i've never tried cooking before. After looking for a good recipe I finally found one. I decided to make pan fried noodles with cabbage and chicken. I've tried it on several occasion's and soon thought it's easy enough to make why continue to spend money on it? Usually Ben likes to go to the bakery and get it for breakfast along with char siu bao. After checking out the ingredient's I went to a supermarket not far from our house and bought noodle's and cabbage. I already had most of the ingredient's from making other food's. In my mind I thought it was going to be really easy. It is, but it requires patience.



Everything had to be cooked separately so I had to clean out my wok over and over :/
Even though I had to constantly clean out my wok it was worth it in the end because it turned out to be really good.



It started out from this and ended up like this (^^)v
I thought it wasn't going to have much taste to it considering the recipe said to mix some sesame oil into the cooked noodle's. Everything else was pretty much seasoned with soy sauce.
Yes, that is Goya garlic. I am spanish after all so I had to use something from that part of me. I may be married to an asian but i'm still proud of who I am. Oh, and I don't always cook asian stuff, I also cook italian and spanish. I was brought up in a spanish and italian family so that was inevitable.

So on another note anyone notice how warm the weather is getting? Aah, it's that time again for short's and sweat. I pretty much don't mind hot weather as long as i'm somewhere with air conditioning lol. I'm not a hot weather person. I get intense migrane's when i'm in a very hot place for too long which is why I don't frequent the beach that often. I don't even know why I developed this problem. When I was younger I used to go to the beach all the time. Going to Puerto Rico all the time there is no way you can visit there and not go to the beach. Anyway, I don't dwell on it since i'm used to it. This thought just always pop's up whenever summer is near.

I've taken break's on alot of game's. I used to play game's all the time but recently i've just been losing interest. Is it because i'm getting older? Do we lose the interest we had when we were younger and all we wanted was to spend time in front of our t.v with a game controller in our hand's? I still enjoy them I just don't get as excited about them anymore. I haven't even finished final fantasy xii and i'm supposed to be a big ff fan? Hmm. I guess thing's do change once you "grow up".

The other day I went to an asian supermarket with my husband and the cashier told him that my daughter look's like me especially the eye's. Now I love it when someone tell's me that my daughter resemble's me (you know considering the fact that she look's asian?) but I just don't understand what she said. Um her eyes...they are well they are "chinese" looking. Mine are these big round ball looking thing's. To me she look's like my husband and to my husband she look's like me. I know I know STOP OBSESSING. I will....eventually.

My daughter recently discovered how to grind her teeth. Ever since she got her two front teeth all she does is "grind...grind...grind" It's so annoying! My husband grind's his teeth when he sleep's so now I have to deal with her grinding in the day and him at night. My first concern when I noticed it was is she going to have the same problem and my husband? He has a weird habit of grinding his teeth in his sleep. I read it's not good to grind your teeth considering your in a way filing your teeth down. So doing the usual baby research I do when she reaches every new month I was relieved to read that it is normal for babies to do that.

Happy Mother's Day to all mother's today.

Sometimes I feel like I know exactly where i'm headed. What I want to do. But as the month's go buy and I watch my daughter get older I start to feel worried. I start to think about when she start's school and paying for her toy's, clothes, school, her activities. I know that I have help and that I am not alone. But I can't help worrying if I am going to be the mother I want to be. I just want to raise my daughter to be loving and caring. Lately she has been acting very spoiled. I try my best not to spoil her with anything. I might be wrong. I think it's just her being a child and not being able to vocalize what she wants. It's funny because growing up my parent's didn't spoil us, unless we deserved it (birthday's, graduation etc...). My father used to always say "when you grow up don't spoil your kid's...because we didn't do that with you." Now that I have a child my father is so in love with her. When he goes out with my mom and if by chance they go shopping he picks out some clothes for her just like my mom does. I've never seen this side of my father and i'm really happy that my daughter is able to have two very loving grandparent's. I know that they will be stern when it is appropriate and easy-going when necessary.

She just keeps getting bigger and bigger ;]

So today I decided to try and clean up the mess we call a apartment. I still can not believe how messy our house get's. Every time it get's cleaned it end's up messy all over again. We have two bedroom's but with so much stuff it just doesn't help. I'm not complaining about living where I do right now just pointing out that between my husband's stuff and mine...well it's cramped. Fortunately I got to clean our room. It's not perfectly clean but it's as clean as it can be with a baby around the house. I'm just happy to have my room back and not a floor filled with toy's and paper's.

This mess is finally gone....but I have a feeling it will be back :/

Will Ferrell Bloopers

Will Ferrell is the man!

So i've currently been playing Silkroad. I found it by accident really. I was doing some serches for a FF quest when I came upon a site mentioning Silkroad. At first I saw the picture and thought "this look's boring". I downloaded it anyway. To my surprise it's actually fun. I spent my weekend exploring on here and levling. I plan on playing it for awhile since it's free. I also found another game called Rappelz not too sure how that's going to be but I plan on trying it out.

I'm feeling angry very angry right now. 11 hour's at home alone. I just can't take it anymore. I mean I haven't had a decent rest in like 4 day's. I'm not in the mood to hear anything. Stop saying you are going to do something when you don't plan on doing anything. Every single time I remind you of what you should be doing you say "okay i'll start doing it". It's all bullshit. You've been saying that for a year and a half already. There is no excuse for what you are doing. Being a lazy ass person is not going to get you anywhere but alone and unhappy. I won't stick around waiting year after year for you to change. I have already done that for almost 3 year's. I'm tired of it. As I see it you are definitely not planning to change any time soon. If you don't want to change then i'm going to have to make a change of my own.Once I do that don't come crying to me that you are sorry and that everything will be different like you always do. I'm done with that bullshit. I need to move on because being stuck in the same place isn't doing anyone any good.

My goal lose 20-25lbs by end of summer.

I've been listening to the song I like it by Narcotic Thrust and it's reminding me that I need to exercise more. I started exercising again but not every single day. Being so busy with my daughter i'm exhausted by the end of the day and just want to sleep when I get the chance. For the past 3 day's I was unable to exercise because I was Upstate watching my little brother while my parent's went away for a couple of day's for a work related event. I told myself I wasn't going to snack on anything but going to my parent's house I didn't listen to myself. My mom always buys stuff I like to eat whenever I come over so I failed to stick to my plan. Now being back home I am back to my regular routine. I thought the few day's I would be at my parent's house would be a breeze but it turned out to be more hectic than I thought it would. My brother got sick the day before my parent's left. He wound up being sick the whole time I was there. The day before I was supposed to leave my daughter caught what my brother had and I wound up being so stressed out by taking care of two sick children. this was a real test for me. I think I did pretty well considering today when I left both my brother and daughter had no fever. I think God was testing me and I hope I passed whatever test he had for me. I know I lost a little of my patience but I eventually got it back.